Tired....Stuff....Emo...etc...

I suppose to perform for my pop ensamble class this week, but the class cancel and the performance postponed to next week. Sucks.... I sleep at 3 am just to practise to perform for today....... After 2 days haven't seeing my sayang, i feel like i'm missing something. Then when i met him, i feel like i dont wanna leave him. I don't know why, even i feel so tired and exhausted, but i can't sleep or stop thinking about him. He treat me so nice. Ain't like my previous relationship. I feel soo appriciated when i'm with him. Comfertable, safe, being pampered etc. Even there's a lot's of things in his mind, but he still remain calm and cool. Today, when we were walking, when he sending me to section 2, he talks about future about, him and me, and music. I don't know why, but after he's saying about that, there had something that touching my heart. I don't know what the meaning of thus feeling. Feel sad and wanna cry, and a bit relief, a bit happy etc.. I'm emo for a while, but then i'm back to normal. Oh yeah, when i get back to hostel, i went to kak Annete's room, then i bully her roomate, Mas, till she cry. And i feel so guilty for that. Mas, i'm sorry. I really am. Gosh so tired, i'm goin to sleep now, even there's still had a lot of things on my mind. Oh and i'm goin to perform my final song for my forum at the final day of our forum. Hehehe......wish me luck........

Dramma

I arrived early a few minutes at fact today. I met Alif the 1st floor stairs. He was about to go to the studio and so do i. We walked togather to the studio. When we was there, before we enter the elctone studio, this one person says 'hi' to him. And i'm freak out and amazed. My face might look calm, but in my heart like a volcano that just waiting to explode. It's not that i'm angry or jealous or something. But i can't stand the dramma that happen in front of my eyes. And i'm annoyed by that. When Alif and i get into the electone studio, i started to freak out a lil bit, it's all because that person and the other one, didnt pass me the info that we have a replacement class that morning while the three of us was in the same hostel room. Then suddenly, it's a fire from a dragon mouth, Alif start to talk and talk about all the dramma that happen among all of the music students. All the cctv's etc. I'm kindda amazed to hear all that from him.But i know that he have a point for that. Plus about all the things that happen to him on this early sem. That person who says 'hi' to him, was the person who's talking behind him. I admit that i also did it, but it because i only hear at one side of the story. But after i hear the other one, i can't blame him at all. And i feel so guilty for that. Luckly for that 'person' who has so many 'army of skank' who always backing her up. But not Alif. And tonight, before going to sleep, one of the roomates suddenly talks about that 'person' old rivals, then suddenly, there's pop up a dramma that happens. That person try to control from saying a words cause i was in the room. That person knows that i'm close to the rival. So...all the words has to control. I'm annoyed by all this dramma by the same old person that annoyed me since at the 1 sem. Hey fool, please STOP all thus DRAMMA... I had enough of it!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank God that I found you

Since i came back from holiday break, came for 3rd sem as a uitm student, i get so preassured. So stressed n preassure. My world goes ups and down. I'm so deepress. I loose my weight for 4 kg's just in one month. everyone notice that. It's all from my chubby cheek that ain't seem so chubby like it use to be. There's one time, i get so deepress in room plus i didnt go back home n i'm home sick. I go walk along the Shah Alam Lake Garden then i'll bring my guitar along and play it there. Then after that, i go to SACC Mall, to buy some stuff. Then when i wanna go back, i passed by the Uncle K's Kopitiam, i saw my friend there with one guy that he claimed was he's SIFU in a clasical guitar. I did notice, that guy suddenly speachless when i arrived there. He seems like dont have a things to said. Then the second time we've met, he talks a lot. A lot and amazed me. And the most hardest things that i couldn't forget is that when he chased me wallked with me and stay with me at the bustop till my bus arrived. I started to felt something. Then when the bus came, we've suddenly hug each other. And my heart beating faster... I'm going nut's. I'm angau... And it turns out now, he's being my guy. The steady one. Ain't like the previous one. Where i'm just the secret lover etc. This amazing person is like a birthday present that God ever sent to me. He was so so so special. We are so diffrent. The diffrent brings us closer, and made us complete each other. I don't how to explain that how special he is to me, but all i can say is that...it's plain to see, that i fall in love again. Let the name remain mystry for now. But the picture already there. I thank God that i found him.

Meaning of my name

What Nurizatty Means

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience. You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along. But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Tak Selamanya Selingkuh Itu Indah

"Tak selamanya selingkuh itu indah" an Indonesian song that captivate me since yesterday. I've heard the title once from an Indonesian chat friends. I never thought that this song was so nice and it was so meant for me in this situation right now. "Tak selamanya selingkuh itu indah" which is mean flirting won't be forever lovely or nice. That's the similar meaning that i can get so far. This song is about a triangle love. Sort off. Erm just like mine. He, he & she and the other she is not in the group. (hehehe) Erm ok let me explain it in my situation. It's about me & him, i know that he has a fiancee, and i'm still with him. I'm sort off like his dark lover or something. Cause i'm too in love with him. And i have to accept the situation that i always be the 2nd one. But in the songs, the case that, the person who's in my situation asking for a broke off, cause the person knows that they won't be togather. Like me, i dont even think i can be with him even i do love him so much. I just have to accept that one day, he will make a decision that will break my heart. I just feel that he will never belongs to me. And i might loose him for once again one day. Well enjoy the songs

And here the lyric for this song...

MERPATI BAND - Tak Selamanya Selingkuh Itu Indah

Betapa ku mengerti sebagai selingkuhanmu

kuharus menjalani ikatan yang tersembunyi

ku mencoba bertahan meskipun menyakitkan

tak menyisakan sebuah sesal di hatiku

selama aku bisa membuatmu bahagia

berpaling ku tak mungkin singgahi hati yang lain

sebatas harapanku mohon pengertianmu

bahwa ku ingin memilikimu seutuhnya

seiring berlalu bergulirnya waktu

membuka rahasia di antara kita

pastinya kan ada hati yang terluka

tak menerima semua kenyataan yang ada

seiring berlalu bergulirnya waktu

membuka rahasia di antara kita

pastinya kan ada hati yang terluka

tak menerima semua kenyataan yang ada

namun tak selayaknya perselingkuhan ini

yang lama kulalui menjadi tiada berarti

semenjak ku merasa harapmu sia-sia

hingga terluka hati kan membuatmu tak berdaya

mungkin kurelakan untuk kau tinggalkan

diriku disini harus mengakhiriaku yang merasa lelah dan menyerah

karena tak selamanya selingkuh itu indah

biar kan cerita kita berpisah adanya

bila memang kita tak mungkin bersama selamanya

seiring berlalu bergulirnya waktu

membuka rahasia di antara kita

pastinya kan ada hati yang terluka

tak menerima semua kenyataan yang ada

mungkin kurelakan untuk kau tinggalkan

diriku disini harus mengakhiri

aku yang merasa lelah dan menyerah

karna tak selamanya selingkuh itu indah

betapa ku mengerti sebagai selingkuhanmu

ku harus menjalani ikatan yang tersembunyi

Narnia & me!

The Narnia movie just like what they told. The 1st movie was better then this one. I feel like something missing in this 2nd movie. I don't know what was it but i dont find it so interesting like the 1st one. Well to me, it just OK. To Narnian Fans, sorry to said that. Well about me, i wrote a poems about me & him & her & her & him. But here i only post one of it so they indentity about the other him won't be reveal. But i might reveal it soon. Just wait and see...

-Irony-

I hate you at the first side
It’s all because of ego and pride
I hate you for hitting on me
It’s all because I have other man beside me

But now it’s change
Even the hate still remain
But I fall in love in again
And it was so plain

You makes my world goes upside down
You made me totally drown
It’s all because of the charming touch
It’s enough to break one heart

I cry every day and night
It’s all because of one fight
I cry because you’re not only mine
But sharing with other two loves that totally blind

It feels so wrong
I hope that I’m still strong
It killing me inside
And burning me outside

All alone...

Dear diary ku,

I guess i'm goin to the cinema alone. I wanna watch the latest Narnia movie which is entitled "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian". There had a rumors said, the 1st Narnia movie is much better the the 2nd one, but i guess, i have to go and watch the movie 1st, then i can give some comment either is it aint good or much better then the 1st one. I've been dying to watch the Narnia 2nd movie since April. Too bad that i have to go and watch the movie on my own. My bestfriend are busy with her practical. My other friends busy with family matter. And some even busy with their exam including my useless boyfriend. Well i guess, i'll better hurry up, if i'm late, i might not gonna catch up with the movie at 3.10.

Fuck off!!!

Fuck off!! He's lying again. Keep lying again and again and again. I hate him........... The truth will always find the way to let me know when he's lying. He can never lie to me. I always find out. What else that sucker want from me??? Isn't it enough having 1 lover and 1 fiancee??? OMG...so sucker! It just last night he promise me not to lie to me anymore even he's flirting, but he did it again! I wish i could kill this guy but i'm not insane yet to do that so. What else did he want from me? Am i look like a mistress to him? Fuck off!!! Everytime his fiancee ignore him, and also his other lover ignore him, i am the one who he always seek for a love. What am i to him??? Fuck off!!!!!!! Am i and his fiancee not good enough for him? What else did he want from a women? Fuck off!!! He'll better watch out! What goes around comes around. What goes up must come down. There the pict dat he write on other girls myspace page. And that girl even was in his top friends, but me? He didnt even add me at all. And that sucks!

Bad week...

Everything was so messed up for this whole week. I feel so lost. Everything wasn't going the way as it plan. I even out of mood to go for a shopping, while shopping is the things that i always love to do when there's a lot of things bothering my mind. I even wish him (the one that i just broke off) at the wrong time. His birthday was suppouse to be on 15, but i wish a day earlier which is on 14. Maybe cause i'm too excited to wish him, till i didnt realise the date. He did reply my msg by asking a few stuff but then i messed up it again till he stop msging me. Argh...sucks! Everything was so messed up. I feel so lonely and feels like i have no one to share all this mess. I hope my bad day will quickly end. God, i miss him. I wish that he could come back to me. Everything that i do didnt feel so right. I even have no mood to chat with my buddies. Please get me out of this misery. Give me an air to breathe easy. Please...i want to cheer up again. As i use to be before. This picture represent how miserable i was right now.


LOCATION: Taiping Lake Garden
MOOD: Miserable
FEELING: Unpredictable

I'm the only one who knows

Yesterday, i get out from house around 8am then got back at 11pm. So damn freakin tired. Well i'm going to some game show rehersal. I'm helping my Farhana (Budak Kecik) by being her back up. That game show call "Jangan lupa lirik" or in the American version they call "Don't Forget The Lyric". Well, when i got home, i got some inspiration to do some poem. But it's a malay poem. This poem ispired by a malay song call "Aku saja yang tahu" by Farhan Azizan. This poem called "Tak Percayakan Cinta". Reminds me to the one who break my heart and cause me to cry day by day.

Kerinduan, yang kurasa sejak kau pergi berlalu
Dimanakah, letaknya janji yang pernah kau lafaz dahulu?
Mengapa kasih, jadi begini?
Tega kau pergi, dan tinggal ku sendiri…

Bukannya aku tak pernah percayakan cinta
Tapi kerana hatiku terluka
Bukannya aku tak pernah memberi kesempatan
Sudah lelah aku menanti kesetiaan

Bukannya aku tak pernah merasakan cinta
Di hati terpahat setia, ketika kita masih bersama
Tapi dirimu, yang mengingkarinya
Tinggalkan aku, berlabuh di sana

Kerinduan, yang kurasa sejak kau pergi berlalu
Percintaan, antara kita yang pernah bersatu
Bukannya aku, tak percayakan cinta
Kerna terluka, kini ku merana

Ku undur diri, dari percintaan yang pernah tersemi
Tak ku mungkiri, segala janji terpatri dihati
Cintaku ini sudah pun pergi
Berlalu dengan sebuah elegi sepi….

1.51 AM
May 10, 2008