Bad feeling...

I don't know why, since after my last exam CTU this morning, then after i read the piece of paper that my bf give it to me yesterday, i feel something different. I feel like i wanna cry. I feel sad. Plus when i hear the song from Nubhan (AF student), 'Aku Ada Untukmu', i cry, but i quickly wipe my tears away. I was at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to go back to my collage from faculty. Yesterday, he gives me a piece of paper, with a red ink pen, he wrote it while waiting for me to finish my Aural Skill exam. And i didn't even know that he was around until i call him back after i see there had 9 miss called from him on my cellphone that i left in my locker while i'm in the exam hall.

The piece of paper that he give it to me
(The fist side of the page)

at section 18, near to my faculty, he call. He said that he's in trouble. Then suddenly my heart beating faster, then he said, yesterday, when he was on his way to go back, i don't know either go back home or go back from sending me to section 2, he been robbed, by guy in a motorcycle. I don't know either there are two of them or he's alone. He lost his wallet and his cell phone. Right now, i don't know how to contact him. Only hope that he with any of his friends that i know their numbers so that i can contact. Maybe around this week or next week, back, to see him and to give him my other cell phone, for him to use it for a while before he get his new one. I cry in the car. I know there must be something bad happening but to who and when, i can't take a guess. I'm not really good at guessing. I wondering why all this things happen to him? He have been through a lot of rough things that happen in his life. I just hope that his life will get better sooner. Sometimes i wondering, is it a Well the words full of emotion, with a deeper meaning inside. As a poet, i know, he is complicated. He is weird. Back to the main story, why am i feeling so bad, everything isn't seems so right. Last night i was waiting for him to call but he didn't call. Maybe he already go back home and get to sleep early. Then suddenly today, when i'm inside the car with my dad and my brother, when we was on our way to go back home after we're having lunch at Pak Li's Kopitiami'm going to shah alamcursed that someone put to him or it just his faith. I don't know. And don't have the answer for that. Between him and i, there had some kind a emotional connection between us, seems like both of us can feel that when anyone of us in some bad or worst situation. I'm so so so worried about him. Plus i wasn't there to be with him when he was in this kind a situation. It hurts and it's sad. Really hurt and really sad.

The piece of paper that he give it to me
(The other side of the page)

I miss my baby Troy...

I miss my baby Troy! I have two cute lazy cats at home. The eldest one name Hector and the youngest name Troy. Both of them have their own nickname instead of Hector & Troy. We call Hector, 'Mok', simplify for 'Gemuk' or fat. And we call Troy, 'Cik Dik', simplify for 'Kecik Gedik' erm i dont remember what the meaning in English. Well Hector is my dad and my bro fave's, while Troy was my fave lazy cat. Hector didn't really give so much trouble to us as long as he wasn't inside his cage. While Troy, always been scoled by my dad, cause he likes to bother people at the

wrong time, then he don't know how to keep his nail off while playing with us. Sometimes i do feel sad when looking at Troy's eyes, especially after my dad scolding him for doing something wrong. But sometimes, he was naughty, there's one time when i was playing with him then suddenly he pee on me. I was freak out. Then straight sent him to his cage. He was so naughty, but i love him. I don't know how should i do to make my dad treat both of my cats equally. And i don't know how to taught Troy to behave nicely. It is obvious, my dad usually playing with Hector instead of Troy, sometimes Troy do want to join them, but he didnt really give the attention to him. And i always protect him when he been scoled by my dad. Everytime when i'm not around, when i'm back to collage, i always think about how he will be alone. Cause if i was there, i was the one who usually played with him. But when my bro was around, he treat both of them equally but Hector was still his fave. Firstly i wanna put Troy's video clip, but since the connection is sucks, i just put Troy and Hector pict. Love my baby kitty so much. Ops, wait a minute, are they still consider a baby? hehehe You tell me... Hector on the left and Troy on the right.

Pop Ensemble...

I'm so freakin nerves..... Freakin nerves. I'm goin to perform for my pop ensemble tonight(20th October 2008). I come early today. Just to practise for the performance. Wanie as the violonist, Aiman as the pianist and i'm as the guitarist. We're going to perform the "Once" ost called "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. The real plan is, that i'm goin to ask Hezron to be my singer. Then when i get shaking this morning and i don't want the same thing happen as what had happen in my last forum before. I quickly called my bf and luckily he's already awake early. Around 10 am in the morning. I ask him to quickly come and help me with my perfomance. I ask him to play the guitar for me then i'll sing. Well for the first, all the rehersal aint going so well as it expected. Then when the time for me to perfom getting closer, all of my sessionist are out of my view. Well i know where is Aiman, cuz she have to go for her Gamelan class. And i also skip my gamelan class. Then i dunno where is Wannie and also where is my bf. They gone....out of my side. I was freak out. Cant stop the nerves. Then when the time almost come, they quickly gather. And Aiman also get out early from her gamelan class. Then my bf bring his fren, Achap, the one who i always arguing with. But then we quickly rehersal. The second last rehersal, i cant even sing, cuz i'm freakin tired. Then the last one is much better. Then when we was waiting for our turn, i get so and so and so nerves, until i feel like i want to throw up. Then when they calling my name, my legs, my whole body starting to shaking. When i'm on stage, i didnt realy looking at the audiance, just look at my sessionist especially my bf who was near me. Cause he was the second voice for the song. Then when the part i'm interdoucing all my sessionist, my lecturer, Cik Muriz ask me which one is the outsider that i told him this morning that i wanted to bring for my performance, then i said my bf name, then he ask, friends or bf, it must be bf. Then i smile and blush. My bf beside already blush and speachless. And cik Muriz also keep saying thanks to him for coming and help me to perfomance on that night. When i started to sing, there still had the sound that i'm nervous, but then when i started to look at his face, beside me, i started to get all the confident, like he giving his confident and energy to me. Then i started to walk along him and also wanie. But cant get to aiman cuz she's kindda far a lil bit from me. The performance going just well. I'm so so glad... I got the confident and all the nerves are gone. Even i didnt really look at the audiance. But whatever. I only look at Jojobe and Fairuz and also kak Oliver when looking at the audiance. I'm so glad it's all done. Thanks to Wanie and Aiman so much. And the most special part is, thanks to my bf who was always there when i need him. Thanks for always there... I love you so much... Owe yeah, and too bad that we didnt ask anyone to records our performance...huhuhu

I'm Sorry...

To Tio,
I'm Sorry... So so sorry..., I try to tell yo, but it's hard. I'm sorrry... Cause i really in love with him. And he was always there for me. Always there. Maybe you were right, i've already found it. I've already found the love of my life. I'm sorry.

Kupu-kupu Kertas by Ebiet G. Ade

Setiap waktu engkau tersenyum
Sudut matamu memancarkan rasa
Keresahan yang terbenam
Kerinduan yang tertahan
Duka dalam yang tersembunyi
Jauh di lubuk hati
Kata katamu riuh mengalir bagai gerimis

Seperti angin tak pernah diam
Selalu beranjak setiap saat
Menebarkan jala asmara
Menaburkan aroma luka
Benih kebencian kau tanam
Bakar ladang gersang
Entah sampai kapan berhenti menipu diri

Kupu kupu kertas
Yang terbang kian kemari
Aneka rupa dan warna
Dibias lampu temaram

Membasuh debu yang lekat dalam jiwa
Mencuci bersih dari segala kekotoran
Aku menunggu hujan turunlah
Aku mengharapkan badai datanglah
Gemuruhnya akan
Melumatkan semua kupu kupu kertas

Kupu kupu kertas
Yang terbang kian kemari
Aneka rupa dan warna
Dibias lampu temaram

Kupu kupu kertas
Yang terbang kian kemari
Aneka rupa dan warna
Dibias lampu temaram

Kupu kupu kertas
Yang terbang kian kemari
Aneka rupa dan warna
Dibias lampu temaram

This is the clip of this song. I'm sorry Tio. I love him so much.

Such a chaotic and exhuasted day...

I went to see my bf today. This morning. Around 9.30 am. For the first, just wanna see him for a while then went for a class. But then since i didnt feel very well and also missing him so much, i even got a feever cause of missing him. Then i skip all of my class today. For the first, i do wanna come for my music commercial class at night but the it's heavy rain and i stuck in SACC mall for a few hours. And i didnt even realise i got a call from Eyza, my fren from music commercial who calls me a several times to inform me that we have an exam tonight. Sucks isn't it?! But i didnt tell my bf yet about this or he will freak out and babbling at the same time. But whatever. I just dunno what else to say. And i dont wanna keep preassure my mind like yesterday. Today, when we wasat Uncle K Kopitiam, around half an hour before he sent me back to section 2 like usual, he asked me to give open then give him the neckless that i wear. He change my neckless pedant from a nature design pedent to a Dark Moontime Crystal, Holy flint. The pedant that he loves the most. He told me and show me the pedant on our early relationship where we still wanna get to know to each other. The hole on the pedant that he gave me had a love shape on it. Try to find it where is the shape....Hehehe! Owe...i cried when we stopped somewhere near the shah alam lake. He gaze into my eyes and give some advice and a few things more that had touched my heart till i cry. He was so good to me. He makes me feel so safe, happy, comfertable and can be rely on when i'm with him. I love this guy so much. With all my heart. He always there when i need him. Always feel that he was so close to me. He was the greatest gift that Allah ever sent to me. Thank God(Allah) i found him. I really meant it!

Bad day...

Thanks to me, i failed my forum. Great. And my bf who should see me at the faculty on the evening after my forum, didn't show up. Cuz he's sleeping. I'm worry sick about him. Then when i reach him, i suddenly cry. Plus he hang up before saying good bye. i'm so pissed off. I miss him. So much. Gosh, my world feels like up and down. Right now i don't know what else to said. Only hoping there ome kind a miracle or sumthin. And also hope to get a guts to through all those things that happen to me right now.

Tired....Stuff....Emo...etc...

I suppose to perform for my pop ensamble class this week, but the class cancel and the performance postponed to next week. Sucks.... I sleep at 3 am just to practise to perform for today....... After 2 days haven't seeing my sayang, i feel like i'm missing something. Then when i met him, i feel like i dont wanna leave him. I don't know why, even i feel so tired and exhausted, but i can't sleep or stop thinking about him. He treat me so nice. Ain't like my previous relationship. I feel soo appriciated when i'm with him. Comfertable, safe, being pampered etc. Even there's a lot's of things in his mind, but he still remain calm and cool. Today, when we were walking, when he sending me to section 2, he talks about future about, him and me, and music. I don't know why, but after he's saying about that, there had something that touching my heart. I don't know what the meaning of thus feeling. Feel sad and wanna cry, and a bit relief, a bit happy etc.. I'm emo for a while, but then i'm back to normal. Oh yeah, when i get back to hostel, i went to kak Annete's room, then i bully her roomate, Mas, till she cry. And i feel so guilty for that. Mas, i'm sorry. I really am. Gosh so tired, i'm goin to sleep now, even there's still had a lot of things on my mind. Oh and i'm goin to perform my final song for my forum at the final day of our forum. Hehehe......wish me luck........

Dramma

I arrived early a few minutes at fact today. I met Alif the 1st floor stairs. He was about to go to the studio and so do i. We walked togather to the studio. When we was there, before we enter the elctone studio, this one person says 'hi' to him. And i'm freak out and amazed. My face might look calm, but in my heart like a volcano that just waiting to explode. It's not that i'm angry or jealous or something. But i can't stand the dramma that happen in front of my eyes. And i'm annoyed by that. When Alif and i get into the electone studio, i started to freak out a lil bit, it's all because that person and the other one, didnt pass me the info that we have a replacement class that morning while the three of us was in the same hostel room. Then suddenly, it's a fire from a dragon mouth, Alif start to talk and talk about all the dramma that happen among all of the music students. All the cctv's etc. I'm kindda amazed to hear all that from him.But i know that he have a point for that. Plus about all the things that happen to him on this early sem. That person who says 'hi' to him, was the person who's talking behind him. I admit that i also did it, but it because i only hear at one side of the story. But after i hear the other one, i can't blame him at all. And i feel so guilty for that. Luckly for that 'person' who has so many 'army of skank' who always backing her up. But not Alif. And tonight, before going to sleep, one of the roomates suddenly talks about that 'person' old rivals, then suddenly, there's pop up a dramma that happens. That person try to control from saying a words cause i was in the room. That person knows that i'm close to the rival. So...all the words has to control. I'm annoyed by all this dramma by the same old person that annoyed me since at the 1 sem. Hey fool, please STOP all thus DRAMMA... I had enough of it!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank God that I found you

Since i came back from holiday break, came for 3rd sem as a uitm student, i get so preassured. So stressed n preassure. My world goes ups and down. I'm so deepress. I loose my weight for 4 kg's just in one month. everyone notice that. It's all from my chubby cheek that ain't seem so chubby like it use to be. There's one time, i get so deepress in room plus i didnt go back home n i'm home sick. I go walk along the Shah Alam Lake Garden then i'll bring my guitar along and play it there. Then after that, i go to SACC Mall, to buy some stuff. Then when i wanna go back, i passed by the Uncle K's Kopitiam, i saw my friend there with one guy that he claimed was he's SIFU in a clasical guitar. I did notice, that guy suddenly speachless when i arrived there. He seems like dont have a things to said. Then the second time we've met, he talks a lot. A lot and amazed me. And the most hardest things that i couldn't forget is that when he chased me wallked with me and stay with me at the bustop till my bus arrived. I started to felt something. Then when the bus came, we've suddenly hug each other. And my heart beating faster... I'm going nut's. I'm angau... And it turns out now, he's being my guy. The steady one. Ain't like the previous one. Where i'm just the secret lover etc. This amazing person is like a birthday present that God ever sent to me. He was so so so special. We are so diffrent. The diffrent brings us closer, and made us complete each other. I don't how to explain that how special he is to me, but all i can say is that...it's plain to see, that i fall in love again. Let the name remain mystry for now. But the picture already there. I thank God that i found him.

Meaning of my name

What Nurizatty Means

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience. You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along. But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?