Pop Ensemble...

I'm so freakin nerves..... Freakin nerves. I'm goin to perform for my pop ensemble tonight(20th October 2008). I come early today. Just to practise for the performance. Wanie as the violonist, Aiman as the pianist and i'm as the guitarist. We're going to perform the "Once" ost called "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. The real plan is, that i'm goin to ask Hezron to be my singer. Then when i get shaking this morning and i don't want the same thing happen as what had happen in my last forum before. I quickly called my bf and luckily he's already awake early. Around 10 am in the morning. I ask him to quickly come and help me with my perfomance. I ask him to play the guitar for me then i'll sing. Well for the first, all the rehersal aint going so well as it expected. Then when the time for me to perfom getting closer, all of my sessionist are out of my view. Well i know where is Aiman, cuz she have to go for her Gamelan class. And i also skip my gamelan class. Then i dunno where is Wannie and also where is my bf. They gone....out of my side. I was freak out. Cant stop the nerves. Then when the time almost come, they quickly gather. And Aiman also get out early from her gamelan class. Then my bf bring his fren, Achap, the one who i always arguing with. But then we quickly rehersal. The second last rehersal, i cant even sing, cuz i'm freakin tired. Then the last one is much better. Then when we was waiting for our turn, i get so and so and so nerves, until i feel like i want to throw up. Then when they calling my name, my legs, my whole body starting to shaking. When i'm on stage, i didnt realy looking at the audiance, just look at my sessionist especially my bf who was near me. Cause he was the second voice for the song. Then when the part i'm interdoucing all my sessionist, my lecturer, Cik Muriz ask me which one is the outsider that i told him this morning that i wanted to bring for my performance, then i said my bf name, then he ask, friends or bf, it must be bf. Then i smile and blush. My bf beside already blush and speachless. And cik Muriz also keep saying thanks to him for coming and help me to perfomance on that night. When i started to sing, there still had the sound that i'm nervous, but then when i started to look at his face, beside me, i started to get all the confident, like he giving his confident and energy to me. Then i started to walk along him and also wanie. But cant get to aiman cuz she's kindda far a lil bit from me. The performance going just well. I'm so so glad... I got the confident and all the nerves are gone. Even i didnt really look at the audiance. But whatever. I only look at Jojobe and Fairuz and also kak Oliver when looking at the audiance. I'm so glad it's all done. Thanks to Wanie and Aiman so much. And the most special part is, thanks to my bf who was always there when i need him. Thanks for always there... I love you so much... Owe yeah, and too bad that we didnt ask anyone to records our performance...huhuhu

I'm Sorry...

To Tio,
I'm Sorry... So so sorry..., I try to tell yo, but it's hard. I'm sorrry... Cause i really in love with him. And he was always there for me. Always there. Maybe you were right, i've already found it. I've already found the love of my life. I'm sorry.

Kupu-kupu Kertas by Ebiet G. Ade

Setiap waktu engkau tersenyum
Sudut matamu memancarkan rasa
Keresahan yang terbenam
Kerinduan yang tertahan
Duka dalam yang tersembunyi
Jauh di lubuk hati
Kata katamu riuh mengalir bagai gerimis

Seperti angin tak pernah diam
Selalu beranjak setiap saat
Menebarkan jala asmara
Menaburkan aroma luka
Benih kebencian kau tanam
Bakar ladang gersang
Entah sampai kapan berhenti menipu diri

Kupu kupu kertas
Yang terbang kian kemari
Aneka rupa dan warna
Dibias lampu temaram

Membasuh debu yang lekat dalam jiwa
Mencuci bersih dari segala kekotoran
Aku menunggu hujan turunlah
Aku mengharapkan badai datanglah
Gemuruhnya akan
Melumatkan semua kupu kupu kertas

Kupu kupu kertas
Yang terbang kian kemari
Aneka rupa dan warna
Dibias lampu temaram

Kupu kupu kertas
Yang terbang kian kemari
Aneka rupa dan warna
Dibias lampu temaram

Kupu kupu kertas
Yang terbang kian kemari
Aneka rupa dan warna
Dibias lampu temaram

This is the clip of this song. I'm sorry Tio. I love him so much.

Such a chaotic and exhuasted day...

I went to see my bf today. This morning. Around 9.30 am. For the first, just wanna see him for a while then went for a class. But then since i didnt feel very well and also missing him so much, i even got a feever cause of missing him. Then i skip all of my class today. For the first, i do wanna come for my music commercial class at night but the it's heavy rain and i stuck in SACC mall for a few hours. And i didnt even realise i got a call from Eyza, my fren from music commercial who calls me a several times to inform me that we have an exam tonight. Sucks isn't it?! But i didnt tell my bf yet about this or he will freak out and babbling at the same time. But whatever. I just dunno what else to say. And i dont wanna keep preassure my mind like yesterday. Today, when we wasat Uncle K Kopitiam, around half an hour before he sent me back to section 2 like usual, he asked me to give open then give him the neckless that i wear. He change my neckless pedant from a nature design pedent to a Dark Moontime Crystal, Holy flint. The pedant that he loves the most. He told me and show me the pedant on our early relationship where we still wanna get to know to each other. The hole on the pedant that he gave me had a love shape on it. Try to find it where is the shape....Hehehe! Owe...i cried when we stopped somewhere near the shah alam lake. He gaze into my eyes and give some advice and a few things more that had touched my heart till i cry. He was so good to me. He makes me feel so safe, happy, comfertable and can be rely on when i'm with him. I love this guy so much. With all my heart. He always there when i need him. Always feel that he was so close to me. He was the greatest gift that Allah ever sent to me. Thank God(Allah) i found him. I really meant it!

Bad day...

Thanks to me, i failed my forum. Great. And my bf who should see me at the faculty on the evening after my forum, didn't show up. Cuz he's sleeping. I'm worry sick about him. Then when i reach him, i suddenly cry. Plus he hang up before saying good bye. i'm so pissed off. I miss him. So much. Gosh, my world feels like up and down. Right now i don't know what else to said. Only hoping there ome kind a miracle or sumthin. And also hope to get a guts to through all those things that happen to me right now.

Tired....Stuff....Emo...etc...

I suppose to perform for my pop ensamble class this week, but the class cancel and the performance postponed to next week. Sucks.... I sleep at 3 am just to practise to perform for today....... After 2 days haven't seeing my sayang, i feel like i'm missing something. Then when i met him, i feel like i dont wanna leave him. I don't know why, even i feel so tired and exhausted, but i can't sleep or stop thinking about him. He treat me so nice. Ain't like my previous relationship. I feel soo appriciated when i'm with him. Comfertable, safe, being pampered etc. Even there's a lot's of things in his mind, but he still remain calm and cool. Today, when we were walking, when he sending me to section 2, he talks about future about, him and me, and music. I don't know why, but after he's saying about that, there had something that touching my heart. I don't know what the meaning of thus feeling. Feel sad and wanna cry, and a bit relief, a bit happy etc.. I'm emo for a while, but then i'm back to normal. Oh yeah, when i get back to hostel, i went to kak Annete's room, then i bully her roomate, Mas, till she cry. And i feel so guilty for that. Mas, i'm sorry. I really am. Gosh so tired, i'm goin to sleep now, even there's still had a lot of things on my mind. Oh and i'm goin to perform my final song for my forum at the final day of our forum. Hehehe......wish me luck........